Ruby and Us

On the back of the book and film about the errant lab 'Marley', I could probably launch a diary about our life with Ruby or 'La Rubia'. To be fair, she isn't really in anything like Marley's league where dog naughtiness is concerned. Nevertheless, as a pup there was a catalogue of destructive scoffing incidents: before reaching a year she had eaten the front half off 4 Victoria sponge cakes, destined to be a magnificent ballerina birthday spectacle, chewed the face off a caterpillar cake (friend's daughter's birthday) , knocked over a child carrying a tray of carrot cake in order to gollop down half of it. This was alongside assorted garbage clearing and cow-pat slurping orgies. There were of course the usual muddy-paws-on-'Sunday best' puppy stories (imaculate girls in matching camel coats) and numerous shredded tights (friend on way to work). Nothing too remarkable for the experts in puppy mischief, but I could recount a rather less common incident where she bobbed up and pulled a friend's long hair so that her head was yanked back alarmingly - I suppose it was dangling there appealingly.

These days most of this youthful high spirit has been replaced by a semi comatose state only infrequently punctuated by the odd misdemeanour such as the scone-athon of a few months ago when an afternoon's baking - quietly cooling beside the stove - was devoured in minutes (actually only 22 scones as she couldn't reach the back ones).

Almost any good ' lab' story has to involve the perpetual quest for food. There really is nothing that gives them so much pleasure; even some eager bottom sniffing by the neighbour's handsome male (dog, I hasten to add!) pales next to the possibility of knocking him out the way to get to his food bowl. Fresh-by dates are of no concern; in fact the more rancid or decomposed the item, the better. The snuffling snout makes a perfect canine vacuum and ever-open jaw is a highly eco friendly waste disposal unit. For lazy housekeepers they are the perfect tool.

Lovable - there is no doubt. She is a soul mate - always there in times of trouble and sickness to comfort and console and astoundingly emotionally intelligent since even the slightest sniff while peeling onions alerts her sadness detectors and she is there at our side wiggling and wagging for all she is worth.

However, if truth be told we have often queried just how much cognitive cerebral activity goes on it that all too caressable head. We have recently been able to put our hypotheses to the test. In the after Christmas, over-indulged lull we sat as a family to watch a National Geographic programme about dog behaviour (are you detecting that we were at a bit of a loose end in a muslim country on boxing day?) There are people with Doctorates whose life's work involves training dogs to watch their eye movements. These are academics with letters after their name (and they don't spell D.O.G.). We were enthralled to witness mutts knocking over the correct cup concealing a treat, which was indicated by their PhD candidate's exaggerated pupil activity alone - and getting it right every time. Ruby didn't watch - she was busy on the sofa with her doggy dreaming involving yelping noises and paw twitching. Perhaps she should have been more observant...The children decided we had to try this.

The following video clip is an enlightening illustration of training in action. Warning: this video contains scenes that may be of an upsetting nature for intelligent Alsatians or border collies called Shep.

In short, while she was a very willing research subject, Ruby seemed not to have grasped the most basic of concepts - ie that once the so-desired treat is placed under a plastic beaker, it has not FAILED TO EXIST. In my child development training this was known as 'object permanence' and is the first sign of intelligence in babies - they realize that when things disappear from view, they are STILL THERE and they look for them. Not so our 5 year old lab. There was really not much point in making googly eyes at the correct beaker when she had lost interest because it was GONE. All that was left of the desirable edible was a plastic thing and what was the point of that? Ayelen went on to patiently take the cup off (FOOD BACK) and as soon as Rubes lurched forward to gollop it, she replaced the cup (FOOD GONE). Interest also gone. Poor Ruby. They did of course take pity on her because there was much puzzled furrowing of golden eyebrows and disappointed hang-dog looks and gave her a treat anyway (maybe she isn't so stupid after all!) But I don't think any of us will be getting our Dogtorates any time soon. Least of all Rubes.